Airline Travel

Recently, I made a trip to Orlando from Pittsburgh, and there are a few things that I underwent, observed, or otherwise made note of. These things all brought me to wonder about security, comfort, and the overall flying experience. All of my observations are based on multiple trips that I've made. In my time, I've traveled to Phoenix, Orlando, Detroit, and obviously Pittsburgh.

My first thought is this. A few weeks ago, there was a joke about the Derrie-Air airline, which would charge people for being over a specific weight. While I was sitting quietly in my seat, I happened to observe a woman who was... larger than most seats. After receiving early boarding privileges normally reserved for the handicapped, she was then placed in a seat a row or two in front of me, and on the opposite side of the aisle. After a short time, I observed her. I also observed that part of her side was... enveloping the arm rest. When a thin person leans into something, normally we say something like "oh" and we stop leaning into it. When someone is obese, do they notice that their side fat is literally pushing on the top and bottom of an object? Do they think to themselves "Wow, this is really uncomfortable" or do they simply accept that they are fat, and decide to deal with it? I have absolutely no clue about this, and hope to never find out firsthand.

When I originally left Pittsburgh for this trip, I left from work, and as such was wearing a belt. When I approached the TSA rep who looks at your boarding pass and photo i.d., I asked her if my belt would present a problem, as it's a relatively small buckle. She informed me that it should not pose a problem. She only told me this after giving my i.d. at best a cursory glance. A half-ass picture would've done just as well. I went through the metal detector, and it was without incident. On the way home from FL, I happened to have the same belt on. Believing that since it didn't present a problem in Pittsburgh, it shouldn't do so here, I figured the metal detectors would be equally sensitive. I was wrong. Apparently, Orlando has a greater fear of the evil belt buckle, and the thing went off. The lady guarding the metal detector then has my take everything out of my pockets and put the items in a bowl. This was a superior idea, because clearly, I couldn't retain anything in my pockets since she didn't check.

After removing my belt, my shoes, and all other forms of metal, I felt rather nude, and sped through the checkpoint. Had this happened in Pittsburgh, I'd have been rather irritated. I learned that having an iPod wrapped in a headphone cord is almost as dangerous as having a block of explosives. They had to run my bag two or three times to make sure the items I had in there weren't dangerous. God only knows how many people have brought down an airplane with a cell phone, a stick of deodorant, and an iPod with headphones. How's that stick up go? "You turn this plane into a building, or I'll make you stop sweating, listen to horrid country music, and beat you with my phone!" Such violence is clearly a threat to National Security.

When flying, it is generally nice to feel safe in the hands of the pilot and confident in their equipment. This is why when the landing gear started making noises, clunking into place, and generally just misbehaving, I was a little unnerved. Let's ignore the fact that I can't go to my layover in New York, because the weather is bad. Let's also ignore the fact that the Middle Eastern lady couldn't control her crying infant (thank God for my iPod and Metallica). These instances were harrowing enough. But when you take off, and you can feel the landing gear clunk into place, while the plane feels like it's going for a ride on a bumpy road without shocks; this is not a good place to be in. This is the one time I had to calm myself down on an airplane. I shouldn't say "one time" because they managed to do it a good three times to me before my entire trip was done. Taking off, landing, taking off, and landing all made it much more interesting. Another thing, I understand keeping the seat belt sign lit when we're in the air. I understand it when we're taxiing. I have to ask though, why the hell did we have to have it buckled when we're at a dead stop, at the gate, doing absolutely nothing but waiting for the stairs to be attached? Are we in serious danger from a strong gust of wind, or are we afraid the pilot will bump the throttle, and send us crashing through the airport? Where is the real danger? When I'm in a parking lot, at a dead stop, I generally unbuckle my seat belt. I always thought this was common practice, but apparently, I'm in the minority.

Everything I've written about today originates from this one experience, compared to the rest of my experiences which were full of logical and methodical trips. From this trip, I left out my opinion of the stewardesses. Though I must ask what happened to the stereotypical hot stewardess? I've never seen one. These wonderings and ponderings are all just methods of trying to understand how things work; what the reasoning is for somethings, and how certain people feel about them.